Shaken but not stirred

Friday, October 24 08

The radiators rattled, Mrs Bennet’s bottom shook on her chair while three doors away her neighbour enjoyed a Jacuzzi. It was all thanks to the latest building brigade in the Bennet garden. The Bingleys had moved in. They were foundation specialists on loan for just five days to ensure the Bennet household didn’t crumble.
“If your house feels as if it’s moving, don’t worry it won’t fall down,” one of the Bingleys had reassured Mrs Bennet as they arrived with drills, long metal tubes and cement mixers.
As they drilled holes eight metres deep, she wasn’t convinced. This was serious dental treatment. Mrs Bennet was grateful it wasn’t her teeth on the receiving end.
Miss Bennets One, Two and Three were at school and therefore away from the excitement. But having been deprived of male action for a week, the little twin Bennets were ecstatic. Their tiny bodies were glued to the lounge window, button noses pressed against the glass and rose-bud lips creating kiss marks. The Bingleys gave them the occasional smile but remained focus on the job in hand. Mrs Bennet couldn’t focus so she took the twins out, long enough to tire them. Amazingly, on their return, they slept for two hours as the house – and their cots – shook beneath them. Mrs Bennet tried to edit a radio interview but as she couldn’t hear anything but drilling through her headphones, gave up. As her seat suddenly turned into a massage chair, she let it do its work. Relaxing, Mrs Bennet pondered, recalling her neighbour’s comments as she apologised for the disruption.
“The builders can stay as long as they like. I was having a bath this afternoon and it’s the first time I’ve ever had a Jacuzzi in it!”
Mrs Bennet, now soothed by her vibrating chair, was tempted.
“The twins are asleep, perhaps I’ll have a bath myself!” she contemplated.
Running upstairs to the bathroom, she turned on the hot water tap, then reconsidered.
“Better not. What if the Bingleys need the toilet and come in? That would take some explaining when Mr Bennet got home,” she thought. The Jacuzzi moment had gone so Mrs Bennet went back to her massage chair, stuck cotton wool in her ears and dozed off for half an hour.