The cow’s empty

Friday, December 5 08

Mr Latte was still on strike and so was Mr Cappucino, Mr Mocha and all his frothy milk associates. Mrs Bennet wasn’t particularly bothered as she hadn’t been giving Mr Latte much of her time lately. She’d been feeling a little under par and hadn’t fancy him. Mrs Bennet thought he might be taking the hump, irked that she hadn’t needed him.
Milk was definitely off the menu. The Mother cow was also empty. She had closed the productive milk bar a couple of weeks ago. The calf (Miss Kezia Bennet) and cow (Mrs Bennet) had come to some mutual agreement and were happy to part company. It did make Mrs Bennet a little sad, but having fed five calves over the past nine years, she did think it was about time she reclaimed her valuable assets back. Sadly though they were no longer an impressive size. Her Dolly Parton days were now officially over, although she must admit it was a relief to run again without the risk of black eyes.
When the milk first came in, three days after the arrival of Miss Bennets Four and Five, she could quite easily have posed for Calendar Girls. Freshly returned from Lords, her midwife friend was stunned by her somewhat buxom appearance.
“The cameras would have picked those out in the crowd and panned in on you. Mr Bennet won’t believe his eyes,” she’d remarked laughing.
He didn’t. But Mrs Bennet made it very clear they were not for him.
The cleavage however was short lived and here she was with the dregs, the leftovers. Chicken fillets were tempting, but she couldn’t quite face it.
So the milk was empty. And Mr Latte wasn’t offering her any comfort either.
It was his loss. A bunch of roses was waiting for her when she got home. The Mr Darcy in Mr Bennet had come shining through instead.