Pretending to be a lady

Saturday, May 7th 2011
Mrs. Bennet decided it was about time she started writing down all the funny things her twin daughters Spag and Bol muttered on a daily basis before the brain cells she had left finally disappeared with the odd socks, hair bands and Polly Pocket shoes.
Having realised her last diary entry was January 1st and it contained a pledge not to lose any of the little Miss Bennets, she thought it was only fair to state that she had NOT abandoned any in a supermarket, car, street or otherwise. She had lost many other things, but generally they were not of the living variety. Instead they were of the variety that always proved to annoy and frustrate her, so much so she often commented to her hormone-suffering husband: "Why do I spend most of my day looking for things when I had them only five minutes ago?"
Two hair brushes had disappeared in a spate of three days. Mrs. Bennet used her fingers to comb her own purple, blond and red streaked hair, but they didn't have the same result on five long-haired daughters. Mrs. Bennet didn't do long hair and still hadn't mastered the perfect ponytail. Somehow it always ended up one side and partings were never straight down the middle. They seemed to have several extra pathways veering to the left or right.
It wasn't surprising then that her legs were also allergic to skirts or dresses. They much preferred jeans. But last week Mrs. Bennet decided to break from tradition and allow part of her short pins to show - so long as their twin-induced varicose veins weren't on display for all to see. Her attire didn't go unnoticed.
In fact some members of the household were very quick to respond. Notably Miss Bennet number four, affectionately nicknamed Spag.
"Mummy," she declared in deliberate fashion, "Why are you pretending to be a lady?"
Mrs. Bennet couldn't help but laugh. This little twin was always dressing up in long flowing robes, twirling around in front of the mirror and declaring that she was a Princess. She clearly didn't see Mrs. Bennet in this category. Although Spag had been suitably impressed when watching her mother's wedding DVD to see her in the ultimate Cinderella dress complete with 5ft train - and white Dr Marten boots. SHe wore that 14 years ago. Mrs. Bennet was sure she had worn a skirt since then, or may be she hadn't. It was obvious by Spag's remarks that not many dresses or non-trouser outfits had been part of her attire in Miss Bennet Number Four's four year lifetime. Mrs. Bennet didn't have to come up with a reply. Her older daughters did it for her.
"That's because she is a lady! She's not pretending."
Secretly Mrs. Bennet thought Spag was right. She did feel as if she was pretending. But she liked it. So much so she went out and bought another skirt the following day.