Stunk out and stuck in!

Thursday, September 18 08

Week day mornings were always a challenge for Mrs Bennet. If she overslept or she wasn’t focussed enough (which was often) the race-against-time challenge was verging on the impossible to complete. She had to allow a reserve bank of seconds to cater for the unexpected. This morning she wasn’t concentrating on the task and the reserve bank was empty. And someone had pressed “repeat” on the unexpected button. Mrs Bennet was packing up lunch boxes, buttering toast, brushing hair and finding baby clothes. Mr Bennet, aware his wife had got up far too late, had delayed his departure to give her a hand, and was chasing two tiny bottoms around the lounge floor in an attempt to put outfits on Bennet numbers four and five. Meanwhile upstairs, Miss Bennet number three decided to empty the contents of an old Pringles tube on her bed. The emphasis here being on old. If the Pringles had still been inside, there would be no story. As it was, this tube contained treasures – shells, pebbles, sand, sea water and the foulest smell imaginable. Mr Bennet was informed of the rancid aroma by Miss Bennet number two and quickly removed the offending tube. He hadn’t noticed the slime covering Dora the Explorer’s head. But his informant had and the smell swiftly travelled downstairs as the Dora duvet landed at the feet of Mrs Bennet, ready for a rapid entry into the washing machine. This was Unexpected Incident One. By this time, all the Bennets should have left the building. Mr Bennet was late, but drove Miss Bennet number one, a junior, to school as she had to be there 10 minutes earlier than her siblings; leaving Mrs Bennet with four Miss Bennets. She was changing a rather putrid nappy, when Miss Bennet number three called from her bedroom that she wanted a certain doll in a certain bag but couldn’t reach it. Mrs Bennet explained she couldn’t move and would come as soon as she could. But it wasn’t soon enough and cause Unexpected Incident Two to occur. By now Miss Megan was yelling for a different reason. She was stuck (wedged was perhaps the better phrase) under the bed.
“What are you doing? I said I’d come up! Why couldn’t you wait? We just don’t have time for this!” expressed an exasperated Mrs Bennet.
“But I can’t move Mummy,” whimpered the jammed child as her mother struggled to set her free. Wiping the cobwebs off her daughter’s head, Mrs Bennet brushed her down and retrieved the pink plastic doll which had caused this commotion. The minutes were ticking. The babies were moaning and Miss Bennet number two was now refusing to put on her shoes. Having half-packed the conservatory, Mrs Bennet couldn’t remember where she’d put her own shoes and now the clothes sculpture was no more, the babies’ coats had vanished. She looked at her watch in desperation. They were late. She rang the school secretary to explain they were on their way and immediately tripped over a tiny blue and green dog on wheels, which barked as she kicked it. Miss Kezia Bennet sneezed and as she did so her dummy shot out with such force it startled the baby twin and almost made Mrs Bennet laugh. She couldn’t quite manage a full chuckle but it was enough to bring some much-needed light-relief and calmed her down.
Miraculously the five of them arrived as the bell rang. Once the two school children were handed over to their teachers, Mrs Bennet sighed deeply. She felt worn out and it was only 9 o’clock in the morning.
“My life is a farce,” she acknowledged, “a complete farce – or perhaps it’s just a comedy of errors!”