Naked babies in the dark

Saturday, January 17 09

Bath time was an endurance test for Mr and Mrs Bennet. It required both of them to wash Miss Rosie Bennet who quite literally screamed the house down if a sponge or jug came anywhere near her. In fact mention the word wash, she’d howl and try to climb out of the bath, pleading with her big blue eyes: “Somebody please rescue me!” Her smaller twin sat like an anaemic frog on her lily pad – a sponge bathmat - and carried on bobbing the heads of her duck pals, ignoring the distressed pleas and waves created by her unhappy water companion.
This evening Mrs Bennet was embracing the calm before the storm. The bath babes, with their adorable matching round tummies were enjoying a splash. Shampoo, sponges and anything to do with washing were out of sight. Mrs Bennet was sitting on the toilet seat, quietly reading an escape novel. Keeping one eye on the children, she noticed Miss Rosie was sitting on something. Unfortunately it wasn’t a plastic duck. The bubbles in the water confirmed her worst suspicions. It was too late; an explosive deposit meant a swift scooping up of babies and offending objects. It was time for evacuation. Leaving the naked babies to roam around upstairs, she risked not putting nappies on them, while emptying the bath in order to carry out a swift clear-up operation. Happily entertained by their eldest sister, the twins bounced on Miss Megan Bennet’s bed as fresh water filled the bath tub. But as Mrs Bennet bent over to turn off the water, the house plunged into darkness, causing an instant double cry of panic from the tiny Miss Bennets. Fumbling around, Mrs Bennet managed to find two naked children, who instantly clung to her, digging their chubby fingers into her arms and wrapping their legs tightly round her middle.
“I’m here girls, it’s alright, it’s alright – just don’t you dare wee all over me!” she told them.
Mr Bennet, outside the house at the time, re-entered to an orchestra of cries. The two smallest girls refused to be consoled, despite reassurances from Miss Naomi Bennet and their mother, while Miss Emily and Miss Megan Bennet simultaneously whined that the programme they’d been watching had disappeared.
Mrs Bennet, pined to the spot by crying limpets, couldn’t move. So her Darcy did his best to rescue damsels in distress by lighting candles and winding up torches. Scared of the flickering lights and unsure what was going on, the twin Bennets cried all the more. Their volume control turned up a notch as their source of comfort began searching for bottom protectors to prevent certain spillages. Dressing a frightened baby in candlelight was not an easy task – neither was picking up hundreds of Polly Pocket clothes, shoes and accessories, which covered the lounge floor.
Without Mr Latte and Mr Google, Mrs Bennet felt a little lost. Having not had any tea, she took comfort in a bowl of olives, a chunk of bread and her favourite Jarlsberg cheese. But then she remembered olives weren’t such a good idea. Her mother was convinced that’s why she had so many children. Power cuts resulting in no light and no heat, often led to a baby boom nine months later. In her case, it didn’t bare thinking about! She went to bed with a bar of chocolate instead.