Are they all yours?

Wednesday, August 27 08

Mrs Bennet realised her family was no longer politically correct. She had broken the 2.1 kid rule four and a half years ago when she gave birth to Miss Bennet Number Three. As she was also guilty of driving a large people carrier, she was therefore in dangerous territory. She was violating the unwritten fundamental law of minimising the carbon footprint. In reality she had produced ten extra footprints. These could be seen clearly on the Bennet's grubby green carpet, their outline often engraved in mud, soggy cereal and flour.
Mrs Bennet consciously put on her armour before she left the building to protect herself from an onslaught of comments. She half expected onlookers to throw remains of their compost heap at her - rotting tomatoes or cold, dried-out teabags. Instead words were the missiles.
"Are they all yours?" "My, haven't you got your hands full!" "Were you trying for a boy?!" or worst still, "Have you worked out what the problem is yet?"
She had an answer and a smile ready for each. Her best was regarding the "problem."
"Yes, I have worked it out. It's olives, but I'm afraid I still eat them!"
Mr Bennet never seemed to be around to hear the comments. He rarely went out with all five on his own. But when they ventured out with only the Miss Twin Bennets, every twin, every grandparent, aunty, uncle, sister, brother or godparent of twins seemed to greet them. Mrs Bennet didn't mind, she was the chatty sort and graciously answered their questions, but it did prove difficult when she was already late for school pick-up or an appointment.
"Are they identical?" "Are they both girls?" "Did you have them naturally? (as if it was anyone's business) "Are their twins in your family?" "How big were they when they were born?" "But you're so small, how did you possibly carry them?" "Are they good?"
She often felt like a contestant sitting on Mastermind's big black chair. "And your chosen subject is.......twins."
The problem was many onlookers struggled to believe the said babies were born on the same day. Brunette Miss Rosie Bennet, a mere six ounzes bigger at birth, was now significantly bigger, chunkier and heavier than her sibling. Blonde Miss Kezia Bennet, was petite like her mother and was wearing 3-6 month baby clothes at 15 months. So the observations in their differences made for extra-interesting remarks.
"You didn't leave much gap between having your babies did you?" And "You're brave doing it again so soon!" One lady had told Mrs Bennet how sensible she was not having twins.
"My daughter had twins and it was such hard work. I think you've done it the best way by having a gap between your babies!"
"How sensible I am then to have a 20 minute gap!" thought Mrs Bennet, too stunned by the comment to be able to utter a witty reply.
Mrs Bennet was many things, but even she would admit, having five children wasn't sensible. It was sheer madness, but then she hadn't banked on a) having a number four and b) having a number four with a "buy one get one free" sticker attached!
She went home and ate a few more olives.