Birthday Bumps

Friday, August 1 08

"It's my birthday and I'll cry if I want to!" howled Mrs Bennet as she lay on her bed. It was only 8.30 in the morning and already the elder three Bennets had managed to reduce her to tears. It was as if after handing over their presents and cards, they had done the special birthday bit for Mummy and could therefore conveniently forget about it. A mini fight broke out over who would use the cardboard box containing Mrs Bennet's chosen ornament; Misses Rosie and Kezia Bennet stopped in their crawling tracks and stared in awe at their older siblings - taking in every detail and no doubt storing it up for future use. Mrs Bennet ended up walking out on the temper tantrums, fearing she would say something she regret and retreated upstairs. When she did this, her offspring knew they had really upset her and it wasn't long before one of them silently climbed the stairs to boldly inform her: "We're better now, you can come down Mummy."

She didn't mean to, but she fell asleep and didn't wake up for an hour. When she came to, she looked in horror at the clock, realised the house was too quiet, ran into the lounge and was surprised to find all was well. The twins were entertained, there was harmony in the camp and she no longer felt guilty for drifting off with her friend Sleep - perhaps the best present she could wish for.

Mrs Bennet knew if she put her children first she would get a better birthday than if she did just what she wanted, so she took them out for an ice-bun. Not being a cake fan, she opted for a bread roll, which did look rather strange with a candle stuck in the middle. A gusty Happy Birthday gathered round a lit roll gained a few raised eyebrows. A few questions on age came her way, to which she replied 29. Whether they believed her or not, she was sticking to that answer. But Mrs Bennet should have realised her daughters would give the game away.

"But Mummy, that means I'm not born yet, because you had me when you were 30!" piped up Miss Bennet Number One.

Mr Bennet, being his kind self, decided to give his wife some time to herself, so took the afternoon off and enabled her to escape. All she wanted to do was go for a quiet run along a secluded cycle track and have a coffee in an award-winning bakery in a nearby market town which a double buggy prevented her from visiting. Minutes after arriving and just as she had her beloved Mr Decaf Cappuccino in hand, four boys - two of them identical twins - and a mother with a fifth child, a girl, in a pushchair arrived. Mrs Bennet, knowing full well what this lady was going through, immediately moved so the harassed mother could sit nearer her brood.

Having taking great pains to escape her five little Bennets, she was now surrounded by another mother's five children.

"I'm not the only one with five - and with twins - then!" she commented to her new companion. After a few chuckles, the lady admitted:

"We're in the process of emigrating to Canada because we can't afford to live in this country with five children."

Mrs Bennet's mind started working overtime.

"It's a tempting thought, but it's a bit drastic," she debated, "but I like my Mr Latte the way he is, I'm not so sure I'll find any Mr Darcys and Mr Bingleys for my five girls and it's far too cold for me."

Later on that evening, enjoying a rare night out with Mr Bennet, in a quaint village pub, she decided Canada might be the solution for one large family, but it wasn't the right one for hers.