Not handsome enough to tempt me...

Thursday, August 7 08

Mrs Bennet's nerves were in shreds. She couldn't focus, she couldn't think and she felt crushed. And all because one person had written a few blunt comments about her writing. "It is sweet but doesn't have the wow factor or grab me," were the stinging words. For some reason they reduced her to an insecure 18-year-old leaving school.

Mrs Bennet was instantly carried back to her headmistress' office, where trembling, she stood before three interviewers, one of them a female ex-army officer.

"So we hear you want to be a journalist? We really don't think you are hard enough and you might perhaps be better suited doing childcare or library work."

The idea of confronting such individuals was to ascertain which career route was best for the pupil concerned. The army officer and her colleagues did nothing for Mrs Bennet's confidence and yet in a strange way, it brought out the fighting spirit in her. If someone said she couldn't do something, she was even more determined to prove them wrong. It was this same inner fight which enabled her to carry the little twin Bennets to 38 weeks. To be told she may only get to 28, made her hold on to them - even if it meant crossing her legs every day!

Having achieved 21 years as a journalist without a hard nose, Mrs Bennet had done what she had set out to do. Her dream now was to be recognised as a writer in her own right. But the words on the email had the same impact of those said in her headmistress' office all those years ago.

She re-read them. Hadn't she heard something like that before? Mr Darcy made a similar remark after meeting Elizabeth Bennet for the first time. "She is tolerable; but not handsome enough to tempt me; ...

And yet he went on to marry her. For the moment, she couldn't dispel the negative thoughts which whispered, "you're no good, you can't write, you may as well give up....." Her feet clotted in her socks and she looked in despair at the mess surrounding her. She was supposed to be packing ready for camping. Piles of cooking utensils, sleeping bags, water carriers, kettles, hold-alls, fold-up chairs and pillows filled every available space in their small home, causing her to feel even more claustophobic than she normally did.

Knowing she wouldn't have a car in the morning, she decided she HAD to do something - anything to get her out of this "I'm no good" mode. The older three Bennets had gone out with grandparents, so she called on a friend to take the twins and headed towards a supermarket. For the next hour she concentrated on piling her trolley up with tin after tin.

The email forgotten she drove home, passing as she did so, a blackboard sign outside a local pub. The chalk message read: "Sometimes you face defeats in life, but it's important not to get defeated."

Mrs Bennet was back to being 39, she sat upright, looked straight ahead and shooed the negative whispers away. If she was meant to write, write she would, no matter what obstacles were in her way.